Being Molded & Shaped HURTS Worse...

Wow, I am sitting here with so MUCH weighing on my heart and yet, I feel i must have writers block cause I just don't know how to get it all out.

It's most likely going to be LONG and I am sorry but I just can't give all the details so it may not fully make sense. But bare with me, be Kind in your responses and KNOW that I share for two Reasons:
1) I need to get it out of my brain and write it out 2) I hope that in some way it will bless one of you in your own life.

So Last Thursday my husband lost the JOB that he just got 30 day prior that we thought was going to be the Relief that we had been pleading with the Lord for, for many months. But all though that was tough, we both FELT there was something better around the corner and we kept a fairly positive attitude about it.

Then Friday something bad happened with our Oldest son and we have not been able to be with him for a week. (that's the really Short, version) we can visit him and call and talk with him. BUT let me tell you this MY Heart didn't know it could HURT the way it has until this all came crashing down.

Then of course my mouth issue has been here through this all and my back has been hurting a lot, so trying to be strong and PUSH through with constant pain, I Realized I couldn't and I BROKE on Tuesday. I had never been to my Breaking point before, CLOSE for sure a few times but never to where I literally SHUT down and couldn't even FUNCTION. I was a MESS and I Realized I could NOT keep going the way I was, I Had to Step Back and focus solely on me and my family for a few days.

BUT one of the Neatest things through all of these Awful Overwhelming feelings, is that I know I have been prepared for this TIME, GOD knew this was going to take place and he has helped place things into my life to be my safety net, my support system and my friends.

So first off, when all this went down I was able to reach out to 3 of my Team members and talk openly with them about details and they never once JUDGED me harshly or tried to fix the situation instead they were SO understanding, cried with me, Loved me, and Helped me through. They jumped right in and took over helping my customers so that they wouldn't feel abandoned and I could step away Confidant they THEY would care for them and keep them going on their healthy Journey's while I couldn't.

Second of all, I have friends in my life that have been through SO much crap and still come out strong and I was able to call and talk with a couple of them, and they were wonderful, calming me and helping me to heal, and think rationally. THANK YOU for that (you know who you are)

and Third I have an incredible group of Church friends who stepped right up and help bring in meals baby sit our other two kiddos when necessary and just let me know they care and are praying for our family.

and Forth My Husband has been my Hero, OMG I wouldn't even be able to be sharing this with you all if it wasn't for HIM being my ROCK, holding me and allowing me to Sob in his arms, listening to me cry about the pain in my face, making meals, helping put the kids to bed, all while spending hours each day working diligently to find a new job. HE truly has been a MIRACLE and What I have NEEDED through this Dark, Sorrowful experience.

Today is the first day that I feel like I am getting back to myself, first time I have even sat down at the computer or reached out to friends to check on them. usually I do that daily and I did miss hearing how they were doing but i felt so Broken that I didn't feel I would be able to Listen to what y'all had to say or that I could sympathize with you when I felt the MOUNTAIN that was crushing me seemed impossible to LIFT from my chest.

But I wanted you to KNOW I have appreciate your prayers, your love, the meals I have been fed, the Help, the healing, the Friendships. I KNOW I could NOT have been able to pull through this with out all those Safety NETS God placed into my life, without the personal Development that I have been reading for years to help me understand how to KEEP myself from falling into Deep Depression.

I have Really focused on strengthening my spirit this week and that has been so Refreshing, I have been reading the Infinite Atonement, reading scriptures, praying, I was able to attend the Temple with my hubby on Tuesday. My Spirit has been so fuel and filled and I am forever Grateful to have a savior who not only paid for my sins but suffered through every pain physically or emotionally that I have ever or will ever feel, so I can turn to him, Plead with him, to allow me the Strength to get through and carry my burden with me so I am not doing it alone. and I have FELT that Strength.

Right now I would rather NOT have you send me messages or try to ask more questions I shared what I shared and unless I have already personally told you more detail then that's because I don't want you to know. My family deserves privacy and I shared what I felt I could with out sharing too much. Maybe someday I will feel I can share more but for now that is simply NOT the case.

Thank YOU for reading and Loving us, We Need it and thank you for your Prayers and Pleadings on our Behalf they have been so appreciated as well.

I am picking up the pieces and Climbing back up to once again be STRONG and Fully Feel Empowered, but I have learned that being MOLDED after being in the Refiners FIRE can HURT so MUCH Worse than the Heat from the Fire itself. I love my GOD, I Trust my GOD and I Thank my God for TRUSTING me and Giving me this Opportunity to be MOLDED by HIM!