This Is Worth FIGHTING For...

When I Covenanted to Spend the Rest of Time and All Eternity with this MAN, I never thought that we would be Discussing the "D" word Openly and actually considering if it would be better for us.

But over the past few months that is Exactly what I have found myself in the midst of, I have felt so Lonely, we don't Parent on the same page, and I have not Felt LOVED for a long time now.

For about the past 6 months once we moved and Layne's work situation started spiraling downward, he started Reclusing himself and I had really not much of an Idea what was going on, how he felt or what he even wanted in life any more. 

He started to just be Grumpy or Angry when he was home and we rarely talked, when I came to share with him my excitement for accomplishments with my Business he acted as if he didn't care, sometimes even saying "I don't really care." 

I felt that I had NO one that I could openly talk with about all of this, because I still kept feeling that THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!

I have literally had 10+ Close friends go through Divorce in just the past year and I always thought how sad that they weren't able to make it work. But after several months of him getting WORSE not better, and trying to get him to communicate with me, and Still NOTHING. I found myself giving up, Wishing for the Grass to be Greener on the other side. 

I found my Business starting to struggle because my #1 Goal in building this business was to be able to Help Others and that included helping my Hubby to be able to Find the career of his dreams. I figured when I was earning enough income that he could take time to really find his passion and work because he enjoyed it like I do with mine, he would be so much Happier and feel Fulfilled as I do. BUT I just was realizing I wasn't going to make it to that, because he had Given up on LIFE, and his Family. 

I began Pleading with the Lord, Fasting specifically for Strength and guidance, attending the temple and praying there, seeking advice from my church leaders, siblings, and close friends, who all suggested that Divorce wasn't off the table with the situation we found ourselves in. My heart HURT, I began to let go and try to convince myself that it wouldn't hurt so bad, God would send some one else that would be Great, Because I wanted the heart ache and Anxiety to Subside. 

I wanted a Partner, some one who would Laugh with me, cry with me, and build me up, and I wasn't finding any of that any more. 

I had a Long talk with my Brother whom I so appreciate our close relationship and him Listening and suggesting ideas and just being there for me, not judging me, when I felt I had NO one else. 

The next day I participated in our weekly Coach Training Call, and my Coach was the assigned trainer for the week. She shared a Ted Talk with us about a Lady who stated "If my Life were a Book and I was the Author, How would I want my Story to Go?" She also said "It's not about breaking down our boarders, it's about pushing off them and seeing what Amazing places it will Bring us to."

I couldn't get either of those out of my head. Especially the first one "If my Life were a Book how would I want the Story to GO?" I played this over and over in my mind, I thought out different scenarios of what I would want to READ in a Story, what I would be more likely to be captivated by and not able to put down until I found out the end. 

This made me decide I wanted to FIGHT like HELL for my Marriage, I wanted to do everything in my Power to Make it Work and Make it Wonderful. 

So after climbing into bed late one night and Layne already being mostly asleep, I told him we needed to talk and it needed to be NOW. To my surprise he sat up and agreed we needed to talk. At first it seemed to be so discouraging, still not getting to where I was hoping we could get. But finally he began to Open up to me and let me know how he felt and I let him know how I felt and we listened to each other. But I could still hear and see Despair in his countenance, I knew he had kinda already given up in his mind too. 

So I reached across the bed and Grabbed his Hand and said I want you to FIGHT for me, I want to be worth fighting for, cause I am willing to Fight if YOU are. And then of course the tears began pouring and I sobbed for a long time.  I am the ONE who Creates my Life I do Write my Story and I want ME to WIN, I want to Fight for the LOVE of my Life and MAKE it Work. And Now that I knew he was willing to as well, THINGS can begin to improve. 

That was just 5 days ago, and already things Really are on the mend, I have noticed he is kinder, more thankful for me, and a touch more optimistic about life. I am No Longer trying to Break down the boarders that I had set in my mind but Rather Push off them and See where it will take us TOGETHER!

Well today we went out on a family Adventure to a near by wildlife park, and as I walked and observed my family and our dynamics I was Reassured that I will Fight, I will WIN and I will CREATE the LIFE I have always Dreamed of, the Devil WILL NOT WIN, Not this Time, Not EVER, Because I have the Savior on my Side to Help me Write my Story to be PERFECT for ME. 

THIS IS

WORTH 

FIGHTING 

FOR!!!

I am so grateful for my Business of Coaching, that helps me stay grounded, gives me insight, support, helps me feel fulfilled and is the Vehicle to Help Us Write our Perfect Story. 

Please FOLLOW me & feel free to share if you feel others could benefit from this Post. 

www.SherinStark.Com

If you would like to listen to the Ted Talk that I mentioned it's right here:

TedTalks - Amy Purdy

***If you want to Read the Update, click HERE