This Past 4 months has been HARD, NO it's been MORE than Hard it's been Unbearable Alone!
My Marriage has been Struggling as many of you have read in previous blog posts, and my oldest son is going CRAZY (really we do NOT know what is wrong) and even with his primary care Dr. his meds Dr. and his Counselor and Endless Prayer we have NOT been able to figure out what's going on. (right NOW, please do Not share your ideas and solutions, it's just too much)
I Only Wish I knew so we could begin addressing it, but so far still nothing, the things we do try don't help, make it worse, or back fire on us, I Honestly NEVER knew I could handle this amount of stress in my LIFE.
Yesterday I would say was THEE Most I have ever experienced, Great Pressure in my Head, body hurt, brain hurt from running in circles trying to resolve issues. eyes hurt, Grief from my sons actions, plus I know I have NOT been getting enough calories in, and I for Realz was like HOW, HOW can I keep on Trucking and NOT just give up the Ghost??? How can ones body take on so Much and not just Quit functioning.
My son got Suspended from the rest of the School Year on Friday and i have been having to watch him like a hawk since then, day in and day out, can't leave him alone for more than 2-3 minutes without him hurting himself, his siblings, or something of ours. The Only reason I have time to type this up is because he is a Sleep right now.
I understand it's gotta be freaking HARD for him right now too, so much going through his brain and he seems to have NO Reason or Filter, just says or does what ever floats through his mind, which is a lot of stuff since he has ADHA, Anxiety, and Depression.
SO I am NOT Sharing this for Empathy or so you can all feel Sorry for me. I am sharing this for 2 Reasons 1) WE Can NOT do it alone and MUST rely on Jesus Christ to Cary us through and Guide us along, which I am doing to the best of my ability. and 2) I want you to KNOW I do understand how Hard Life can be, I have been through a lot in life in the past and this by far takes the CAKE. But I am Striving to Keep Myself from having an Anxiety attack or allow Depression to Seep in, by Continuing to MAKE me and my health a Priority most days. Getting outside in Nature, Getting Plenty of Hugs and Love from my Youngest, Being able to Plant some flowers in my garden and planting pot for my patio, focusing on inviting the Holy Spirit into my life and home & Exercising 6 days a week. I am telling you if I hadn't already had these things in Place I would be one of those MOM's you Read about on the News for either Running away, Hurting Myself, or Kicking the kids out of the house. It's Crucial that we KNOW what Triggers us and HOW to Combat that.
And it's also Crucial to KNOW we aren't perfect, but We are the parents GOD Chose for our children to come down and be raised by. So WE Gotta Keep Trucking Along and Finding Joy in Life, Not necessarily Happiness (as several days I don't find any) which is fleeting, but Real Joy, Knowing we are Partners with God, and HE will Bless us through this and Mold us into WHO He SEES we Can Become.
Here are a Few Photos that SHOW my week.
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| The day I found out my Son had been Suspend from school for the rest of the school year. So many emotions, I hurt, I felt I couldn't keep going, Anxiety, Depression, Anguish. MY little Baby is growing up and making some pretty Naughty Choices and I can't Stop Him. I have to let him Learn and it HURTS my Heart BIG TIME. (Yes, I know I am an ugly crier, kinda like Clair Danes, I would not be sought after for a crying part in any movie ever. haha) |
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| My Little buddy holding me tight while I tried to take a Shakeology selfie with him, look close you can see his chocolate mustache. |
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| My Sanity, he Brings me so much JOY & helps me Keep pushing through. |
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| Scripture Reading time, the Sun set was Gorgeous on the wall behind them. |
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| Making sure I take time to Give to my Sweet Girl, and help her go to School Confident & feeling Beautiful. With all the Chaos of our Oldest DEMANDING hours of our attention, she has been feeling very neglected. |
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| Making Sure I Still Make my Self and Health a Priority Daily. |
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| Spending time out in the Garden = My Happy Place |
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| Taking a walk surrounded by Beautiful Views and Basking in the Sunshine, Holds me Grounded in my God and through this Storm. |
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| Spending an Evening at the Lake with friends was so NEEDED! |
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| Just when I thought I couldn't Handle ANYTHING Else, I woke up to God Saying "Here, let me Pile a Little more on your Back, and See if you won't Break." Woke up to impetigo on my bottom lip and chin, it itches, is HOT, and Oozes. "Yes Thanks Just what I was hopping FOR, but Ya KNOW I'll Manage Some How." |
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