First I want to cover the Forms of Abuse:
Physical/Neglect - Being pushed, slapped, beat, held down, forced to do things that hurt our bodies or are not normal (eating things that aren't food, being forced to act like an animal), left alone without an adult to care for you (as a child) being forced to go with out bathroom facilities, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, a shelter to protect you, etc...
Sexual - In My book this one is most simple to recognize, If you are touched in any way that makes you uncomfortable and you ask for it to stop and it continues to occur that's abuse. if you were a child, teen, or adult when the abuse happened. It's your body and your Sacred/Private parts and they are NOT to be touched by any one, without your willing permission.
Emotional/Mental: this is the Most Difficult for Sure to recognize and realize it's abuse. Especially when the abuser is good at twisting, manipulating, and creating false truths, causing us to feel confused and left wondering if we were the problem all along. But if you are being belittled, talked down to, sworn at, yelled at, told you are always wrong, told your opinion doesn't matter, made fun of in front of others, or when you ask your abuser to stop and they turn it on you and say "Well if you didn't..., I wouldn't..." etc... Most likely you experienced emotional abuse.
There are certainly other indicators as well and each and every person's experience is individual and may be abuse to one and not another. So please NEVER compare your experience to some one else to gauge whether you experienced abuse or not.
So Now I want you to watch this YouTube video that I created and then Read the rest of the post.
Watch this one first
Watch this one second
Thank you for taking the time to watch this, a couple things I didn't really mention in the video that I wanted to discuss.
1) Shame - when our bodies, minds, and souls feel shame we literally vibrate at a low, state of energy which in turn causes depression, stress, anxiety as we TRY to fight that and boost our energy in other ways. Until we address the Shame, and Heal ourselves through self compassion (not self pity) we can not get our energy to vibrate back up at a higher frequency in order to feel Happy, Self Love, Empowered. It's possible temporarily or with the use of medications, foods, etc...
2) Acknowledging that we were abused and Validating it does not mean we need to go around sharing our story with everyone or filling the Victim roll and acting entitled.
But I am telling you from personal Experience that Facing the WALL (Shame) acknowledging it and allowing Healing is the BEST way. The way that Lasts bringing the Energy back up, helping the depression to subside (more often than not) and we will be able to Accomplish becoming who we desire.
I am not an Expert at all in this field, I am an adult who experienced Childhood abuse and is on a Journey to Heal my Soul and Better my physical health.
Plus I have begun noticing that I am allowing myself to abuse my own children emotionally and I Want that to STOP!!!! So Please feel free to reach out and share your story if you feel the need, or to ask questions if you need to know how to heal or where to turn, and Let's Heal Together!
- SherinStark
Very tastefully done. Sounds like you have learned a lot about EMDR. I have gone through EMDR in therapy back in 2006. It was very helpful. It is where a counselor guides you through revisiting your life as you mentioned. The book called The Body Keeps the Score by Vessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. is also very helpful, as are Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, and How to Hug a Porcupine/ Dealing with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities by John Lund, and All of his books.
ReplyDeleteThanks sister, I've read many many books and learned the self compassion the first time 11 years ago, but wasn't sure what it was called until recently when I've been going through it again with my Craniosacral Therapist.
DeleteI always enjoy reading your posts and admire you for speaking out about things that society generally tries to keep secret.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading my posts and sharing a comment.
DeleteGood for you, Sharin! Your bravery is commendable. In going through my ugly divorce almost 16 years ago I always said to God, "don't let me get through this for my own sake only. What a waste that would be but guide me to know how succor those in the same situation." Life's trials aren't meant to be hidden under a rock. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Katie. It's been a rough journey, but Im healing and learning to be better.
DeleteThank you for having the courage to talk about this sensitive and personal subject. My ex husband was a monster. There is just no other words. I was abused physically, emotionally, verbally and sexually. He always used to say to me, it's not rape, we are married. He had beat me down so much, I would have believed anything he said. Our bishop was his families good friends and our stake president was his cousin. I thought I could go to them for help, but I was not believed. I don't know why I thought I could get help from them. So I left the church. I was so broken down I knew he was going to kill me. I had no where to turn. When my friend took me to the er when one of my sexual assaults were so brutal and I really thought he was going to kill me. I couldn't dare tell the police what happened because if he went to jail I would have no way to support my babies. His family would take them. At that point I just had 2. That's what he told me, and I believed him. I won't get into graphic details but I will say I have dug my own grave. The medical problems I have and the in dwelling catheter I have for the rest of my life is because of my abuse. I will probably someday be able to forgive him for my abuse but I'm finding it extremely hard to forgive him for the abuse he has inflicted on my handicapped daughters. I just lost the love of my life and the only real daddy my kids have ever had in April. He and I have been heartbroken for all these years. He was such a good good person. My kids always loved them as their daddy and we got married when they were little. I'm not telling my story for pity. But for awareness. There is help.
ReplyDeleteThe makeup company I work for as a makeup artist has a charitable foundation that they totally pay every cent for. You do not have to sell or buy their makeup. Your abuse just had to occur before the age of 18. It is for girls and women. It's a cabin located in the mountains in southern Utah. It is totally paid for including transportation. All you have to do is be able to get to Salt Lake City, they take care of you from there. Counseling, they teach you ways to cope, healing. everything. This is a secure place. Body guards, no one is allowed on the property without proper identification. It's much like a women's shelter.you are there for a week. The statistics are alarming. 1 in 5 boys and 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused before the age of 18. We need awareness. This has to stop. This is the reason I chose this company to work for as a makeup artist. They do have great makeup but this charity sealed the deal for me. I have several times donated all my earnings to this foundation. Because they do all this for free. I'm not promoting the makeup but I am the charity. It is something I believe in. The charity is called the haven retreat. They provide 3 retreats per month except December. You can always google it for information and how to sign up. Because my abuse started with my ex a few months before I was 18 my late husband had signed me up before he passed away. I have not gone yet and haven't decided on if I'm going to. But it made me cry to think he loved me so much he wanted to try to help me.
Shelly Thank you for sharing a portion of your Story with us, so that those who have experienced something similar know they aren't alone and there is a way out and a place to begin healing. You are Amazing, and please don't ever knock yourself for your choices, or experiences.
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