While listening to my audio book yesterday for daily personal development I came across this list in Chapter 4 of "Super You" and really liked it a LOT.
So many times we feel that we have to explain ourselves to others, when really it's none of their business, however our culture has kind of ingrained in our minds that we need to have a valid excuse for WHY we Can't do something or wont do something.
We need to Learn to just simply say NO, and Stop trying to be OVERachievers. Key word OVER, Yes it's important to serve others, help out in your kids class room, be the soccer mom for your kids soccer team, if those are things you want to do. BUT don't do them (adding burden on you, your family and those your GRUMPY self comes in contact with) Just to satisfy some one else our out of feeling bad to say NO.
YES Ladies I understand this is still one I am working on getting better at. BUT it's so important to realize and begin internalizing, we CAN'T do it all and Our health, mentally and physically comes first. SO if it is going to add too much stress, or demand too much time, then simply say NO. (be kind about it)
I also really appreciated the 3rd one mentioned. We have the right to take risks and start new adventures with out being shamed or criticized for it.
I see this SOOO frequently on social media, some one will announce a plan they have, and a few will tell them congrats or best of luck or GO Get'm, But more often I see things like this "Why are you going to do that" "I had a friend who did that and Failed, good luck" "I don't think you're cut out for something like that" "why did you choose that hairstyle it's a little extreme don't you think" "how could you justify spending that much money on..."
PEOPLE it is NOT our RIGHT to criticize or belittle anyone ever!!! So if you find you are one of the ones who does that, PLEASE STOP IT!
Of course I loved #5. YES we do have the right to self care of our health and physical needs for our bodies, with out being criticized or made fun of for how we choose to do it. It's tough enough convincing ourselves every day to get up and workout, we do NOT need the added complaints or critical whispering from others to make it Even More difficult to accomplish. If you have a friend or loved one who is devoting time to exercise and their physical health, Please support them and encourage them and praise them for it, it takes a lot of mental power to keep at it day after day.
There are so many of these that struck a cord with me when I read through them, but I do not have time to go over my feelings on all of them, nor would you want to Read all of that. So I will end with one more that I feel certainly needs to be addressed.
#27 "We have the right to share our stories, to share our triumphs and vent our pain." YES We Do! I read peoples blog posts that criticize people for posting their triumphs on social media because Not every one has those triumphs so it makes people feel sad, depressed, etc.... Well I think Boasting and Sharing are two completely different things. If you are putting others down as your share your accomplishments that's a problem. But if you are simply sharing that you are proud/pleased that you were able to overcome or your child is smart, there is nothing wrong with that, Go For it. There is so much negative in the world every day. I love reading about Positives in my friends lives. We also have the Right to talk about our pain with out (others thinking that's an invitation to pick at us more, or act like our pain isn't valid, or just try to fix us) feeling torn apart by friends or family on social media. OH My Goodness if some one is brave enough to share their pain, that most likely means they need our love, support and Empathy, so please be quick to offer that, not Tear them apart.
Okay, that's all for now. Like I mentioned I feel each one of these are valid and important things to remember, and if they are valid for us, You betcha they are valid for every other Human as well.
Please read through them, and share which one jumped out to you as most important. and if you feel comfortable sharing WHY I would love to read your response to that as well.
Your Emotional Bill of Rights:
"1) We have the right to clear communication
2) We have a right to ask for the support we need.
We should not have to suffer injustice to get what we need.
Our needs are valid and important.
We should not have to suffer injustice to get what we need.
Our needs are valid and important.
3) We have the right to take risks and start new adventures.
We have the right to fail, and learn from our mistakes without being shamed or criticized.
We have the right to fail, and learn from our mistakes without being shamed or criticized.
4) We have the right to good will, enrichment, joy, strong, positive connections, warmth, honesty, understanding, respect, rapport and concern for our well being.
5) We have a right to our bodies, to embrace physical self care, nutrition, exercise, relaxation.
6) We have a right to express our opinions, ideas and emotions. It’s all right to have our own view of the world.
7) We have a right to plenty of rest and sleep. Whatever problems we may be experiencing can wait until morning.
8) We have the right to free ourselves of guilt and shame that doesn’t belong to us, and to give back to our abusers what belongs to them.
9) We have both a right and a reason to be here. We are children of the universe, no less than the earth and the trees. We have the right to take up space and the right to just be without having to apologize.
10) We have the right to be out in the world, to explore, to relax, to play, to experiment, to be taken care of and to stand up for ourselves.
11) We have the right to our curiosity and intuition.
12) It’s our right to push and test to find limits, to say no and be separate.
13) We have a right to think for ourselves.
14) We have a right to think about our feelings and have feelings about our thoughts.
15) We have the right to be angry when our rights are violated. We have a right to let people know when we feel angry. We can be angry at people we love.
16) It’s our right to test our power.
17) It’s our right to take time to explore who we are.
18) It’s our right to make mistakes.
19) We have a right to our own morals and methods, and a right to do things our own way, or the way of others, or the way of the group as we choose.
20) We have a right to choose to be independent, interdependent or dependent. We don’t have to give up our independence to be taken care of.
21) We have a right to back out of any social, sexual, or work related contact if we feel uncomfortable, even if we initiated it.
22) We have the right take care of ourselves under any circumstances.
23) It’s our right to make choices beyond mere survival.
24) We have a right to say no to anything that we are not ready for or that feels unsafe.
25) It’s our right to terminate conversations with people who make us feel put down and humiliated.
26) It’s our right to be self protective, even selfish and set limits as we choose.
27) We have the right to share our stories, to share our triumphs and vent our pain.
28) We have a right to divorce ourselves from all abusive relationships and surround ourselves with loving, trustworthy people.
29) We have the right to reclaim our lives as our own."
by Emily Gordon in Super YOU
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