Very Raw, Vulnerable Post. BE Kind, I NEED Kindness right now.
I have been so Hesitant in sharing this for so many reasons, and to spare you time I wont go into them all. But I have Felt the Strong Urge to share since early last week and I simply keep putting it off.
However the Stars have aligned that I have few moments of silence (which is rare around here) So I hope I can get this all out, and that it Helps someone, Uplifts, and Encourages them to BE Strong AMID the STORMS OF LIFE!
My life is NOT all Happy, I am NOT Strong all the TIME and being a MOM and WIFE often times SUCKS BIG TIME!
For about 3-4 months now I have been doing my best to stay strong, Working out Daily (truly does Help a LOT with this) I do not like to appear week (because then I feel like others wont lean on me and allow me to Serve them) you see Service is my love language so for ME Serving others helps heal my soul and keeps my mind off my own Issues. I have been keeping my mouth shut other than to a few close friends and going about my life, as if things were GREAT, and Life couldn't be better.
But you SEE I don't want to appear FAKE and None approachable or To Good to be true either. The Real Truth is Life COULD be SO MUCH BETTER, and MY Goal is to GET Myself to that point.
My Children have been extremely tough lately, fighting the majority of the day that I am not distracting them or keeping them all separate, they call one another HURTFUL Names and make fun of each other multiple times a day.
I can't get them to do chores No matter HOW many time I ask or in what ways, unless it's their idea (which happens about 2 times a month)
They Complain that I don't allow them to watch enough tv, buy them enough stuff, and "It's not fair that Corbin, got to go do stuff with dad." or "Why did Cassie get a cookie and I didn't." NON Stop, rather than being happy for one another when they get to have a special treat or experience. They Yell Back at me, Tell me NO, Sassy me often and I am Just Plain FED UP, I really don't KNOW what to do (and before you go judging me or sharing your two cents, even out of LOVE. right now that is NOT what I am looking for, thank you.)
I always Imagined up that i'd have kids who Respected us, wanted to listen and be around their parents, said Thanks for the things we do with and for them, and that I wouldn't have to Have them LOVE or Respect me out of FEAR the way I grew up. I do also understand that my oldest has some anxiety, depression and ADHD that he battles, so bare that in mind.
My Hubby and I do not Parent well together, he doesn't think I need to be strict and lets the kids walk all over him. He even often tells me that what I just told them would be the consequence is harsh and ridiculous. and of course they eat that up and it makes it even MORE frustrating to KEEP persisting. Some of my Close Friends have observed a glimpse into a DAY with me and my kids.
My Husband Chose to take a JOB that put us back much worse off than we already were when he was at his former job, and the financial stress, as well as the KIDS issue has had me ON Edge, Depressed, and Really wanting to RUN and say "SCREW it ALL, Peace, I'm OUT!"
I have Cried many mornings after fighting the kids to get to school, days that I was stressed knowing they would come home and I would have to fight to keep them apart till bed time. and Nights that I am a SUCKY Mommy and have ZERO Patience for my children.
I have spent much time on my Knees and reading in my scriptures and hours at the Temple Searching for Answers and Ways to Improve our Situation and be the MOM my kids NEED and help them to FEEL Love and Peace in our Home. I will try something new only to have it Slammed down and told it's dumb or "I'm not doing that, that's a stupid Idea."
So YES Parenting and Being a WIFE are FREAKING HARD Work, Day in and Day out, and Maybe Some of you it comes more Simple and if that's True (and not just perceived) I am Truly Happy that this is NOT your Trial in Life. Because this is one Heck of a Hard One for ME to keep PUSHING through with a SMILE on my Face Day in and Day out!
So why did I just share all this Negative, Making me Sound like a Victim Information with you???
Because I want you to KNOW I am NOT giving UP, My kids Can Not WIN that Easily, I will not Break, What good would it do to RUN Away, what would that teach them, what would that teach ME???
I Will Figure out something Else and I will Try again and again, and HECK yes there WILL BE Days My Heart Hurts, and my Mind is ready to Explode, and my body is Exhausted, but Friends I am Creating my LIFE, let me say that again.
I Am CREATING My Life, the LIFE I want to LIVE and the LIFE I have Dreamt of. The Life where We LOVE spending quality time together, where Bike Rides are enjoyable and we aren't all grumpy and frustrated just trying to get out the door.
I am Creating the LIFE where my Husband and I Parent well together, where he works hard to get the JOB he desires to have, and I am able to BUILD my Coaching Business by Helping other Women similar to me, SUCCEED and Make it through their Trials and COME out on TOP too.
I am Creating a LIFE that I wake up EVERY morning Grateful to LIVE and Blessed to be ALIVE and Breathing!!!
So YES being a Mommy Sucks Many Many Days, but God didn't Tell me it would be easy, in fact he assured us it wouldn't be, but he also assured us that it would be SO WORTH IT and that we have a Savior who KNOWS every Detail of our lives, our thoughts, feelings, anguish, depression and despair and when we Allow him too he WILL Succor us and Carry us through. So I have a Goal the Rest of this Year to Remember to Lean on HIM much More than I have and Ask for Peace in our HOME.
***I know this was SUPER L O N G . . . . .
But I truly hope that you can see, that NO one has a perfect life No matter what you think, No matter how it may Appear to you from the outside. Stop comparing yourself to others or thinking your trials are worse. WE all have Trials that GOD Knew would be what we needed to SHAPE and Mold us into what he wants us to be.
Don't Wish for my Trials, Instead Go Out and CREATE the Life you want, YOU and GOD Hold that Power.
~If you appreciated this post, Please FOLLOW Me, and Share with others.
Thank YOU,
- Sherin
